Christy Stratton is a mother and TV comedy writer — her latest venture is the hilarious Funny or Die series Everyone's Crazy But Us, which just got picked up for a second season. As time goes by, she's come to realize that she and her childless friends still have plenty in common.
Recently a woman I follow on Twitter posted this tweet:
People on Facebook sure do have children— Paige (@PeachCoffin) August 24, 2015
Now, I know many people enjoyed it, as evidenced by the hundreds of retweets and thousands of likes. But I must admit – it irked me. I just hate it when I see even some small thing that contributes to the divide that exists between women who are mothers and women who are not.
I understand why we feel pit against each other: women are constantly put on the defensive when in comes to our reproductive choices. Still, it's a real shame, especially since we seem to be entering another dark age when it comes to sexism and women's rights. We need each other – all of us – to affect change and equality.
The good news is – we have common ground! Lots of it! Below are just a few things I think we can all agree on, regardless of offspring count.
We all have trouble saving money.
If you think that the financial demands of having a child have curbed my desire to live fabulously, you'd be dead wrong. Money woes plague us all, because cute clothes/décor/tchotchkes literally follow us wherever we go on the internet. That said, I am certainly better with coupons now!
We all have difficult relationships with our mothers.
The issues adult women and their mothers face are the stuff of legend and hilarious Carrie Fisher memoirs. As the data from a casual survey I took of my friends shows, there is no magic resolution that comes about if and when you become a parent yourself. We are all sisters when it comes to mothers.
We all can wither like a sparrow when confronted.
I am and always was the type of person to say nothing when someone's being a dick. Literally a waitress could spit in my food in front of me and I would pretend I didn't see it and tip her well, as I wouldn't want to offend her (!!!). How I wish motherhood made me more aggressive – like, here comes mama bear, don't be rude to her at the dry cleaners or tell her she can't cry at work after being dressed down in front of a room full of people. You'll regret it! But, sadly, I am ever agreeable to all, even mean children.
We all love the satisfaction of administering swift justice.
My child-free friend Julie got swindled during a recent trip to Columbia and immediately got the Policia involved. My son tried to snooker my husband into giving him a cookie, after I said he couldn't have one, and I shut it down, immediately. We are the same.
We all hate Vaguebooking and Facebragging.
I have yet to meet an adult woman who does not have disdain for people who are buttholes on social media. Be you one of those people who posts a picture of yourself in a hospital bed with no explanation, or someone who posts wildly exaggerated accomplishments on the daily – we are all annoyed by all of you, regardless of your child status.
Also, I believe I speak for all of womankind when I say we do not care for articles about how quitting drinking has markedly improved someone's memory/complexion/weight/life. It's simple — DO NOT SHARE. End of story.
We all love apology flowers.
Keep them coming, Gary.